good morning!

i feel our life is like a ball of wool, intertwined and clumsy. but still one single strand of wool with one beginning and one end.
it can also be compared with a school of fish, with their several silvery wriggling bodies. some large others small. but still one school one destination.
it is a pack of wolves, scattered and wild. howling defiantly at the moon, the faster stronger ones at the front, the older ones at the back. but still one pack, one prey.
it is one life, with several jumbled events. some good, others bad. but with one squealing beginning, and one gasping end.
this life is nothing but a conveyor belt from this world to the next.
i know all this may sound a bit bleak, but after examining all the intrigues of life, the drama, the deceit, cares of this world, adventure, love. you will come to realize that it is all so very fleeting, no state lasts for long, the happiness is brief, sadness fades away, even love(eros) at some point fades away!, our ambitions change, as at the attainment of our goals, all we are left with in the place of our blazing ambition is an aching numbness, as we realise there is nothing else to look forward to, so we search frantically for new obstacles to surmount.
it has been said that the journey is the destination, and i am an avid believer of this, it is not the certificate we receive at the end of our academic session that is our education, nope our education is embedded in everyday we spent in the institution of learning.
like the mountain climber that goes through indescribable horrors to get to the top of the mountain, battling the terrifying cold, teeth chattering as his beard becomes an icicle, heart hammering as he hears the terrifying howls of the unidentified beast, each successive howl closer than the last, and his breath shallow as he carefully shuffles through precarious slopes. he finally reaches the top and he feels a rush of exhiliration and awe as he looks down, the world at his feet. then as suddenly as it comes the excitement disappears and he is left with the chilling sadness that only comes with the attainment of ones goals

so what is my final submission? it is simply this, live like everyday is your last! strive to achieve as much as possible, but with eternity firmly at the back of your, as wen d grim reaper comes calling, you are going to live all your wealth and achievements behind. like Solomon said all IS vanity. there is certainly going to be a part 2 of this musing, and i apologise if it is a tad disjointed, but from me this is good morning!

why?

i fully intended to write something ground breaking, profound and smart today, but i am feeling generally lethargic. i am finding it extremely difficult to summon the will to think. i look around my immediate surroundings and i see everything in disarray my clothes and shoes lying in clumsy tangles around the floor and within me i know i ought to stand up and put things in order, but all i can make myself do is shrug and shuffle into a more comfortable position inside my pile of clean clothes i just got from the dry cleaners. i feel like someone just drained the life out of me.

so i ask myself why? why am i  feeling like this? why cant i shake this cancerous feeling of dissatisfaction that is growing larger in me everyday?

instead of answers all i get is more questions, my friend logic seems to have deserted me, as i cannot come up with a plausible reason for my current state. i feel like i am walking in a thunderstorm wearing a raincoat that has no buttons, so though i have several possible answers to my questions, none of my answers can fully protect me from the rain of questions assailing my mind.

the one comfort i have however is time, like a drunk in a bar, my pain and dissatisfaction is dulled by each successive turn of the glass( hour for me, vodka for the drunk).

in the perfect world that exists only in my head i am all alone, as all the chinks my present armour are brought about by the people i allowed to get close enough to be welded into my armour.

i am not sure i was able to make any sense in todays post but i swear, this is unaldulterated, straight from my oh so befuddled mind.

  

i have forgotten!

i remember how it felt letting go of all my cares. the warm fuzzy feeling in my chest as i silently muttered the words i was told to repeat, all was well with my world. it was like being snuggled in a warm, thick duvet on a cold stormy night. i remember the resolutions i made, eyes blazing as i passionately told myself that i will follow him wherever he led me, as i swore to always pick up his diary to read and learn more about him.
now only a few years later i can only wonder what went wrong. my duvet has become a rose bush, beautiful on the outside but thorny and pricky. i can no longer bask in the comfort of knowing everything will be well as i have forgotten the road to the cross, all i have for comfort is knowledge which is about as comfortable as lying naked on a hard cold slab of marble, in the middle of a blizzard.
though i remember how i felt when i made the pact with him, i am having a whole lot of difficulty remembering why i left the quest. i forsook knowing him for knowing about him, which is definitely not the same thing. i learnt to speak christianese while my life drifted off course. and though i made several attempts to get back to him, it was always about me and i just could not let go of the steering wheel, i instead tried to broker a deal to make us co-pilots.
i turned him into my personal genie, rubbing the lamp when i run into difficulties and expectin speedy answers to my requests.
his diary has collected a thick layer of dust and cobwebs on the shelf i left it months ago, and now in a bid to find that satisfying warmness i have turned to man.
now like christian in the pilgrims progress i have shouldered my bundle and i am searching for the path back to my duvet, but i am confronted with a complicated network of roads and i really cannot remember the path that takes me back to where i started from.
this may sound ludicrous, but i have forgotten.

it begins!

at the edge of a tempest i decide to walk out of the worlds evil barrage and conduct a tour of my world! to give you a sneak peek into me and my affairs! i cant promise you will enjoy the ride but i promise you it will be quite an awesome experience. sit back and READ!